Today, the general mood here at Pug Slope Midwest HQ took a 180-degree turn for the better. And all it took was the arrival of an enormous box from Sid’s favorite online store, Mr. Chewy.

Yep, Mr. Chewy doesn’t mess around. I think he intentially used the biggest box imaginable to make Sid flip his gourd. I mean, Sid goes berzerk whenever I bring anything home in a small grocery bag so you can imagine his excitement upon seeing a box the size of a dorm fridge.

It didn’t take long for his determined paws to shred through the layers of kraft paper to get to the real MEAT of the package: Salmon & Chick Pea food and Venison treats (both the crunchy and chewy varieties).

Thank you, Mr. Chewy, for brightening this pug’s day – I mean MONTH.

So, my Mom and Dad are always complaining.  Complain, complain, complain.  Sid, your food is soooo expensive.  Sid, your food is soooooo heavy to carry home from the pet store that’s two blocks away because we don’t have a car anymore because we decided to transport you to Brooklyn (I <3 BK!).  Sid, they’re always out of the only pre-packaged treats that you’re allowed to eat because you’re allergic to everything and we get soooo annoyed when your allergies flare up!

Well, hellooooo Mr. Chewy.

I went to Mr. Chewy’s website after I received his email, and I followed Noodles’ instructions and searched for venison treats.  OMG, you guys, Mr. Chewy had way more venison treats than they have down the street.  He also had duck treats, and my mom told me in her sleep one night that I’m allowed to eat duck (I asked her while she was sound asleep and she went “meayurusghsSHRHSARG” or something, which means YES).  And on top of just having venison treats and duck treats, he also had venison treats and duck treats that were GRAIN-FREE.  And, because I like blueberries and carrots so much, I searched for vegetarian treats, and he had those too! Grain free for super-cool bubble-pugs like me!  He even had my healthy mealtime food – Dick Van Patten’s Natural Balance Limited Ingredient Venison and Sweet Potato uber-delicious dry dog food – for way less than my parents pay when they have to schlep the 15 pound bag home on Dad’s back.

So, I placed an order, and TWO DAYS LATER the giant box arrived!  Holla!

Mom and Dad let me open the box myself, which was super cool.  Mr. Chewy threw in all of this awesome brown thrashing-around paper for free! (Jenn here – thank you, Mr. Chewy, for using pug-friendly packing materials!  There’s nothing worse than having to pull styrofoam peanuts from Sid’s iron jaw)

LOOK AT ALL OF THE TREATS I GOT:

The box in the background is Dad’s cereal.  Everyday I ask him to feed me some, and everyday he says no.  BUT WHO CARES?!?! LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE TREATS!  Didn’t I do an amazing job picking out tons of awesome yummy yum yums to eat?  If all of my pug friends out there were at Planet Cool Sid right now, I’d totally take ONE treat from each bag, place those four treats in a pile, and split that pile of treats amongst all of you.  I’m such a cool, generous guy.

Oh, and also in the box:

GIANT BAG! GIANT BAG! GIANT BAG OF FOOD!

Woo-hoo!!  I love Mr. Chewy! (Jenn here, again.  Um, yeah, Mr. Chewy’s prices and service were awesome.  Of course, we don’t have a car and we’re the type of people who order our groceries online, so, although this has resulted in a Coup de Pug here at Pug Slope – I mean, Planet Cool Sid – we’re totally on board with Mr. Chewy.  Back to Sid.)

Now, a word of advice from the ruler of Planet Cool Sid.  When welcoming a box full of new yummy yums into your house, it’s important that you make them feel welcome before you eat them.

Pose for stately portraits with them:

Listen to their problems:

And if you find yourself really smitten with one of your new friends, don’t hesitate to spend some time together staring off into the distance.

That’s all for now!  XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO, Sid!

GREETINGS AWESOME PUGS  AND ALMOST-AS-AWESOME-AS-PUGS OTHER DOGS AND NOWHERE-NEAR-AS-AWESOME-AS-PUGS-ONLY-BECAUSE-I’M-ALLERGIC-TO-YOU-AND-I-DON’T-UNDERSTAND-WHAT-YOU-ARE CATS AND LOWEST-ON-THE-TOTEM-POLE HUMANS.

Pug Slope is now PLANET COOL SID, the coolest blog ever because I’m the coolest and I’m in charge now and my mom and dad are totally going to wish they fed me a treat all those times that I sat loudly in front of the fridge and shifted my eyes up to where they keep my food to make it OBVIOUS that I was in need of TREATS and they JUST IGNORED ME. From now on ACK! GO AWAY, PIGEON!  ACKACKACKPIGEONRARRR!

(Hey, everybody – Jenn, here.  While Sid is distracted by a pigeon on our fire escape, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for all of…this.  We’re doing our best to get things back to normal, but whenever we speak up Sid reminds us that he knows how to shop online which means that he’s in charge now so I better just keep typing up what he wants to say OR ELSE.  Oh, God!  He’s ba- )

AHEM.

I run this show now so everything you see on here is going to be cool, like my cool face, or my cool potato toy, or my cool baby carrots that I put in my cool new masthead… I always thought baby carrots were the coolest treats and then venison jerky was the next coolest, but then I got an email from this dude who wanted to give me free stuff and Noodles taught me how to shop online and HOLY MOLEY why have my parents been holding out on me?  I mean, I like the venison jerky bits that I get when I do things like shake or Jimmy or sit loudly, but what the heck!  There are soooo many other Venison treats out there that I didn’t even know about!!!!

Mr. Chewy, if you’re looking for a new place to hang, look no further.  You’re welcome on Planet Cool Sid anytime.

In fact, after I make Mom and Dad feed me my brunch (new daily meal regimen: pre-breakfast, breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, supper, midnight snack, 3am snack), I’m gonna have Mom help me type another post for today is going to be all about how cool Mr. Chewy is and I will FINALLY show you what was in the box.

Mommy, you look so pretty today.  Can you stop typing now and give me three treats, please?  Are you typing that? Mom, stop typing and give me treats!!

It’s been a long night, people.  Brian and I spent the night turning the Pug Slope Headquarters upside down in search for a clue on the sender of Sid’s mystery box, while Sid patiently waited for us to open said box tried out a number of methods for opening the box with little success.

Watch as Sid…

deploys the Standing-Jimmy Jedi Mind Trick…

harnesses the power of thought to convert himself into a solvent which will be passed through the semi-permeable membrane of the cardboard box, aka psychokinetic pugmosis…

and finally resorts to brute force, squeezing and squeezing with all his might in an attempt to burst the box open at its seams with his bare paws.

****

While Sid was busy giving himself a hernia, we found three clues on my computer that confirmed our biggest fear.

1.  An email addressed to Sid, sent from one Mr. Chewy, proprietor of an online pet supply store, offering free goodies to the canine resident of Pug Slope in exchange for a review of their service.

2.  A bookmarked blog post written by one NOODLES LADY LIBERTY of A Bowl of Noodles fame, in which the process for ordering TREATS and FOOD from Mr. Chewy is outlined IN DETAIL including illustrative PHOTOS for various steps and a glowing review of the online shopping experience.

3.  A PDF receipt of a Mr. Chewy’s order placed just TWO DAYS before the mystery box arrived.

Sigh.

It looks like our days in power are over, people.  The pug is rising.  Behold, our new ruler:

“THIS IS ONE SMALL STEP FOR A PUG, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR PUGKIND” – Siddhartha Lamont, April 23rd 2012

Tune in tomorrow to see Sid unpack the contents of the box that changed the world.