Okay, so, I was layin’ in my snuggle bed this morning, and while I was layin’ there I was thinking that it’s been, like, what, A WEEK since my awesome Mr. Chewy box arrived? And there hasn’t been a single box since. Unacceptable!
And, then, just like THAT, Planet Cool Sid’s buzzer buzzed and a delivery man was handing my mom a NEW BOX.
Okay, this box was not as gigantic as the Mr. Chewy box, so that was a little disappointing.
Right on the outside of this box, there were some words that said MAY CONTAIN AWESOME and then some other words that said NEWEGG.
Okay, here’s what I know about New Eggs: supposedly they’re delicious but I’m not allowed to eat them because they’re somehow related to the chickens and I’m allergic to the chickens. BUT! Ducks also lay eggs and I am allowed to eat ducks so maybe I could eat some eggs if they were duck eggs. And since these eggs are new, that means they’re not old, which means they’re better than old eggs because they’re not rotten or whatever.
And here’s what I know about Awesome: IT’S AWESOME.
So, I was all like “Mom! Open the box! Open the box, Mom! MAHM! OPEN THE BOX!”
And Mom was all like, “As you wish, Master. Let me feed you a bag of treats first.”
So, Mom opened the box.
AND GET THIS.
Apparently NewEgg is the name of some company that has NOTHING TO DO with actual eggs. They sell electronics, for pug’s sake! And apparently AWESOME to this NewEgg place means 1TB hard drives for my Mom’s photo library.
MAY CONTAIN AWFUL is more like it.
Yes, they’re one terabyte, yet THEY’RE NOT EVEN REMOTELY BITE-ABLE. Trust me, I tried.
Mom says she had to order these because all the photos she takes of me are taking over the hard drive on her computer, so in a way they’re a gift to me because it means she can continue to take more and more and more photos of me forever and ever and ever because apparently a terabyte is a really, really, really big byte that you can’t actually chew. I guess that’s good, because I like when you guys can see my handsomeness, but that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly disappointed by all of this misleading terminology.
Get these things away from me.