Posts Tagged ‘mischief’

Meet Jeff the Lamassu

Hi friends!

I went on a huge walk the other day to some uncharted territories and came upon a creature I’d never seen before!

A LAMASSU!

NAMED JEFF!

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When I first saw him, I was a intimidated by his size, and all those mixed up animal parts (I didn’t know if should bark at him, run away from him, or beg him for treats) but eventually I mustered up the courage to get closer for a photo op. Jeff was a pretty friendly dude and explained to me that a Lamassu is a hybrid animal consisting of the body of a bull, the wings of an eagle, and the head of a human (complete with lumberjack beard).

Anyway, it got me thinking about what other animal parts I’d like to acquire to turn myself into a SUPER HYBRID. I definitely think wings would be cool – though I think I’d go with hummingbird wings. It would take squirrel-chasing to a whole new level. I’d go with the head of something with a much bigger mouth – like a whale. That way I could gulp down my food with one bite. I think it might be cool to also get some long front arms – like from a chimpanzee. That way I could reach snacks from all those hiding placing much easier!

If you could swap some parts with another animal what would you choose and why?

Slippery When Wet

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Before the much-welcomed warm front came through Chicago, Sid and I got one last opportunity for some ice skating. Well, not really skating since I don’t have any skates and we are not yet living in a world where dog skates exist (although I could be wrong about that).

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So instead of skating on the ice, we just walked very slowly and zombie-like. There were a few near-wipeouts but miraculously we made it across the whole frozen field without any injuries.

Well, ice, it was nice knowin’ ya, but we’re ready for some Spring weather. See ya!

Use the Orbs, Luke!

Hi friends (both of the furry and non-furry variety)!

Sorry, I just woke up so I’m still a little groggy.

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This winter has been great for napping, especially when the sun is blaring in through the windows and dad moves my bed into a sunbeam. Unfortunately though, right now it’s that awful time of day between my post-breakfast nap and lunch with no edibles in my near future.

I feel like getting a snack now. So here’s what I do…

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First, you need to get those eyes nice and shiny. Think of how you’d feel if you weren’t going to get dinner that night. I know, I know – it’s a horrible thought but we need to get those tear glands working! Let your eyes get a nice even gloss to them and open them wide. Now tilt your head to one side, and direct your longing stare towards your human. The glistening orbs of a pug have been proven irresistible to humans, especially when combined with a head tilt, and the treats will soon start flowing.

Sid’s Tips: Hiding Your Valuables

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Most people claim the best place to tuck away your valuables is in a heavy-duty safe or safe-deposit box at a bank. Sid believes otherwise. He suggests the best place to hide your prized possessions (your nylabone for example) is under your head. Yes, you heard him correctly.

I’ve decided to try his approach and currently have my birth certificate and passport stowed under my chin with the help of a large rubberband. I may get odd looks from passersby, but I am comforted in knowing my important items are safe.

Has anyone else tried this tip?

Someone Spoke Too Soon

Well folks…turns out Sid spoke a little too soon. His eye is still bothering him and when I took him to the vet yesterday to see what was up, it appeared that his little injury hasn’t quite completely healed. Well, actually it likely did heal at some point but then when he rubbed or scratched his face he essentially un-did the healing. Ugh. So this is likely 100% my fault because I didn’t subject him to 24-7 cone humiliation. See what happens when you cave in to “pug pressure”?!

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So now we are strictly adhering to the recommended round-the-clock conage and we’re back to administering drops every four hours (that includes in the middle of the night! Perhaps my next post will be at 4am!).

Sid could use any good pug juju you could send his way. We want this little abrasion to heal up completely so he can get back to his normal cone-free existence. Thank you in advance.

Satellite of Pug

Hi everyone! Sid here today. And it will probably be that way for a while now.

See, I’ve banned my dad from the computer until he removes this goofy plastic satellite dish from my head.

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About two weeks ago I got a tiny scratch on my eyeball and my dad took me to the vet. It actually didn’t really bother me much and the vet said the abrasion looked very shallow. They gave my dad a bottle of eye drops to dispense into my glossy orb four times per day to prevent infection while it healed. They also said that I had to wear a cone – though they called it an “E-Collar” (probably to confuse me) – so I wouldn’t mess around and scratch my eye further.

For two weeks, four times a day, my dad would corner me into the bathroom and squirt a drop or two of the meds into my eye. Let me tell you – those drops were flipping annoying so I made the situation as difficult as possible by TIGHTLY CLOSING my eye and flailing around like one of those air dancers you see outside of car dealerships. But my dad is very persistant and eventually a drop would find its way into my eye. Then I’d have to immediately don this ridiculous contraption. My eye actually didn’t bother me much (it only felt weird for a few minutes after the drops went in) so I only had to be humiliated for about a half an hour after each dose. THANK GOODNESS. I don’t know what I might have had to resort to had I been subjected to the vet-recommended 24-hour cone treatment. Eat the couch? Poop on my dad’s pillow? It might have just come to that.

Well, my eye has healed up very well and at my last check-up the vet said my eye looked like nothing ever happened. Woo hoo!

But before I take this goofy cone off for good, I have a small request. Trust me, it will be hilarious.

I want everyone to sing along with me to Lou Reed’s “Satellite of Love” but instead of singing the real lyrics on the chorus, let’s all sing: “Bom Bom Bom, Satellite of Pug!”. A one, a two, a one, two, three…

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Hoverpug

Sid told me that 2015 is going to be the “Year of the Future”. I’m not exactly sure what he meant by that so I asked him to explain further. He continued that this would be the year that truly indestructible squeakers would be discovered, brilliant breakthroughs of growing organic baby carrots would allow production to double, and that rather than use their legs to walk, pugs would start hovering.

Wait. What?!

He then demonstrated what he was talking about.

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Woah, Sid. THAT IS AMAZING!