Hey guys, so Sid really wanted to write today’s follow-up post on confidence shirts, but Brian (wisely) only gave Sid a commenting account for the blog, not a full-fledged write-your-own-posts type of account.
So, while Sid is stewing in the corner muttering about how life isn’t fair, I’m going to transcribe his written notes into a blog post that I’m sure he’ll say isn’t half as awesome as it would’ve been if we’d just let him write it himself with no supervision whatsoever.
So, here it goes, an unedited transcription of Sid’s notes:
1. Point out that I don’t need some stupid shirt to give me confidence because everybody knows I’m awesome and maybe I wouldn’t have such obsessive compulsive anxiety problems if Mom and Dad would just listen every once in a while when I sit really loudly and then sit even louder and HELLO, I’M SITTING so give me the stupid venison bits that are barely even treats but whatever they taste good and I should get them whenever I want them because it’s not like they’re Twinkies or something but even if they were Twinkies, whatever, I’m an adult, and in fact if we calculated this whole age thing fairly like the way you’re biologically supposed to according to the scientists or whatever then I’d be at least forty-two which is older than Dad and he’s the “oldest” person here so I’d totally be in charge and Mom would be the baby and Dad and I could make her go to her stupid bed or shake our hands or Jimmy for FORTY-SEVEN SECONDS whenever she’s soooo hungry that she feels like she’s about to starve to death and then maybe she’d start scratching her armpits with her feet all the time because she feels so trapped in her life and I could just throw a really tight shirt on her and say “all better!” but still not feed her whenever she’s sooooooo hungry or just, you know, wants a treat because treats taste good and who in their right mind doesn’t want a treat but MAKE SURE TO POINT OUT THAT I DO ACTUALLY LIKE THESE SHIRTS because they emphasize my broad chest and they look pretty cool for a dog shirt and I guess I don’t really scratch my armpits as much when I wear them, so yeah, tell Noodles that I don’t scratch or lick as much when I’m wearing them.
2. Tell Payton that she’d TOTALLY be a medium (even though the mediums look really small) because Mom and Dad got me a large once and, like, it started out okay but then like four hours later the neck was all baggy and Mom kept saying something about “Flashdance” which doesn’t sound very cool but they still didn’t take the shirt off me and then I went outside to “water the lawn” and when I came inside there was pee all over the bottom of my shirt which was totally HUMILIATING and totally something that stupid Edna would’ve done, not me. Post picture of Edna looking stupid. (Be careful not to write anything about how I secretly miss her, but maybe post another picture of me spooning with Elly because Elly was awesome and everybody will think I’m cool if they see me snuggling with her.)
(Picture of Edna Looking Stupid (Remember: don’t accidentally write anything about how much I secretly loved her))
(Picture of me spooning with Elly to help street-cred)
3. Tell everybody to make sure that their parents use those scissor things to cut a tiny little slit in the neck of their shirts so that you don’t leave the house looking like this: (Insert stupid photo of me looking stupid and not confident with my head stuck in my shirt).
(Picture of me looking stupid)
4. Tell Myko not to give my parents any ideas! A fashion show?!
Well, unfortunately for Sid, we thought Myko’s idea was FANTASTIC. We’ll be taking photos of Sid posing in ALL of his new shirts over the weekend!!