Well, hello there!  Wow!  Welcome, everybody, to Planet Cool Sid’s Guide to Living!  On today’s show, we’re going to talk about KONGS!

KING KONG (HAHAHA – I’M HILARIOUS!!)

We all love our Kongs, right?!  I know I do!  But, have you ever gotten a Kong toy stuffed with peanut butter and carrot bits and you spend, like, twenty minutes enjoying its yummyness but then its EMPTY and as much as you bark at it, no more yums appear inside it, so you just give up and sulk in the corner with some second-rate squeaker toy that isn’t even edible and whose lack of flavor makes you curse the universe that we live in??  Yeah, me too, my friends. Me too.

Stupid Empty Kong

Well, guess what?

That Kong that you love?  It’s actually EVIL.  Sometimes, even though your Kong looks empty, it’s actually still filled with microscopic morsels of peanut buttery goodness that it’s decided to keep for its own selfish gain.  Here’s how to make sure you get every last bit of tasty goop from your Kong nemeses.

Step 1:  Study your Kong from afar.  Get to know its shape, its color, how it spends its alone time, where it hides its secrets.

Look into its soul.

Step 2:  Use the information you’ve learned in Step 1 to weasel your way into your Kong’s circle of trust.  Remember the old adage, keep your friends close and your enemies closer?  Well, I’m not totally sure that applies to this situation, but it’s the only adage I know so let’s pretend it does.

You can trust me, Kong.  I’m on your side.

Step 3: The Interrogation.  You can probably reveal your true identity and motives at this point, as well.  That’s what they do in the Batman movies, anyway.

Where are you hiding the last of the peanut butter, Kong?  

WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE PEANUT BUTTER!!

Step 4:  If your Kong is anything like my Kong, it probably won’t talk.  Just stick the whole Kong in your mouth for a while until it frees those last bits of peanut butter from its dungeon of evil.

NOM-NOM-YUM-NOM-NOM-OOH-THAT’TH GOOD-NOM-NOM

Nom-slurp-nom Thtep Four can take hourth, but it’th worth every thecond!

That’th it for thith week’th Planet Cool Thid’th Guide to Living Nom-nom.  I’m your hotht, Thidartha Lamont.  From all of uth here at Pug Thlope, thankth for watching, and remember, nom-nom-nom, there’th no thuch thing ath an empty Kong!  Vive le Pug!

Ermagersh, guys.  So, I’ve been sitting up here at the new PLANET COOL SID / Pug Slope Headquarters, and it’s been fine and everything, but I’m way too far away from Timothy Buttons’ house now for daily play dates, and it’s been too hot and mugg-tastic to meet her in the park, so I’ve had to be content with just visiting her Tumblr once a day and reminiscing about our days in the South Slope.

I mean, she came up here to the new HQ that one day, and I showed off my couch climbing skillz and I didn’t even need a confidence shirt (hey, Weasley – lookin’ good, little man!), but I’m so mad at myself because I didn’t even, like, pay attention to her or listen to her while she was blabberin’ away about whatever ladies blab about because I just wanted to show off my mad skillz and pose for pictures.  At the old HQ, she used to come over all the time, so I guess I may have taken her presence for granted.

Wearing my inner confidence shirt.  Oh, and Timothy’s there on the right.

BUT THEN I FOUND SOMETHING OUT THAT MADE ME VERY CONFUSED.

I went to go look at Timothy’s Tumblr today on Mom’s computer, and Mom had left her iPhoto open, and there were all of these NEW photos with Timothy Buttons and I don’t remember being at any of these photo sessions which means MY MOM has been hanging out with MY LADY without MY KNOWLEDGE!!

Apparently she walks all the way down to T-Buttzville WITHOUT ME three (3!) times a week, and they talk about me or look at pictures of me or make fun of me or plan pranks they’re going to play on me or WHATEVER.  I mean, maybe they don’t even talk about me at all, but that’s too horrible to even think about, because if they’re not talking about me, then who or what are they talking about??!  WHAT ARE THEY DOING WITHOUT ME?!

Here’s what I can gather from the photos:

THEY GO SNIFFING IN THE PARK!?@!

THEY HAVE JIMMY CONTESTS!!?@#!

THEY DRESS UP LIKE EDGAR WINTER!!!?@!

THEY FEED EACH OTHER BACON!!!@?@#

Ahem…I apologize for raising my voice…it’s just…BACON?!?!!!!!!?!REALLY?!!?!

I mean, I guess it’s good that my mom and my lady get along, but I’m not sure how I feel about this…

Sid wanted to use today’s mug-shot to prove that he’s not just some shallow, flash-in-the-pan matinee idol.

From Sid’s tech notes:  “Dear Mom.  Please use a grainy film to reflect the gritty, grimy reality of the pug’s existence, and shoot it in black-and-white, because black-and-white means it’s art.  Also, please keep in mind when framing the photo that the secrets of the universe lie within the depths of my nose flap.  But don’t make that point too overt – let people “get it” themselves when they stare into the depths of my nose flap.  Duh.  I’ll accept payment in treats, thank you very much.“

Okay, after yesterday’s public freak-out (Thank you, everybody, for your kind and supportive comments!  What would we do without you??), I’m going to focus today on the good aspects of Sid’s allergy treatment thus far, while Sid focuses on Jimmy-ing for carrots:

The no-nonsense Jimmy

First, it’s been almost a month and a half since Sid has had any prednisone, and it’s been almost a month since the Carls Jr wart colony was removed from his face.  The only wart that the vet didn’t remove was a wart that we nicknamed “Petra” – Petra was a majestic structure growing on the surface of Sid’s tongue (If you don’t recognize the actual Petra just for being an amazing wonder of the world located in Jordan, then you may recognize it from “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” – I like to imagine that there’s a wart version of the holy grail stashed inside the Petra on Sid’s tongue…)  Well, guess, what.  Not only has Sid developed no new warts since the last bunch were removed, but Petra has disappeared!!!  PROGRESS, PEOPLE!!! 

The “How YOU doin'” Jimmy

Secondly, for not being on prednisone, Sid’s skin looks fantastic and he really isn’t scratching too much.  I think that the discovery of the yeast allergy during his skin allergen test really solved a HUGE source of his discomfort.  He’s just wrapping up a 28-day regimen of Fluconazole, and will now go into a maintenance dosage.  Also, we’ve gotten anti-yeast ear drops, face / skin wipes, and shampoo, so we can attack the yeast topically as well.  There are still some obvious spots that are irritating him, and he still gets some scratch-attacks, but he seems pretty comfortable throughout 80% of the day.

The too close for comfort Jimmy

Next, after administering the first two doses of the allergy shots, Sid’s had no severe side effects.  In fact, I don’t think he’s had any side effects at all.  Considering what a weirdo Sid’s immune system is, we’re amazed.  The vet gave us a print-out with all of the signs of severe side effects to look out for, so I was pretty much expecting him to swell up like Violet in Willy Wonka within minutes of receiving the first injection.  (No, becoming a gigantic blueberry is not listed as one of the side effects, but I wouldn’t put it past Sid to come up with some new and horrible reaction to the shots).  In fact, I don’t even know if he’s noticed what we’re doing – all he cares about is the fact that he gets a treat when we’re done.

Oh, and speaking of things that are good – PUG NECK SCRUFF!!  I can’t imagine doing these shots on dogs that don’t have a spare tire of neck fat to grab onto.

The Post-Jimmy-Success Smile and Sit!

So, yes, it’s going to take time to get used to this new routine, and to get used to jabbing a syringe into the neck of my beloved boy (?!?!), but when we focus on the positive, and focus on the minor successes we’ve had so far, it’s clear that in the end it’ll all be worth it.

So, we’ve officially started Sid on his allergy shots. He’s allergic to so many things that we have two different vials of serum and two concurrent dosage schedules that we alternate between. It’s very complicated. Right now, he gets a shot every other day, alternating between the two serums, increasing the dosage incrementally as we move forward, until early September when the schedule just starts getting CRAZY. Then it’s four days between shots, nine days between shots, six days between shots…Brian and I spent an hour the other day putting together a calendar to help us stay on track through the end of December.

But, after completing the first two scheduled injections, I think I’m going to need to add “Jenn Spa Days” to the calendar, or perhaps invest in a bulk supply of valium. Do they sell valium at Costco? Maybe I just haven’t had to do a lot of stressful things in my life, but, great holy moley, sticking your beloved pug with a hypodermic needle is STRESSFUL.

Did you get out all of the air bubbles? Did you remember to warm up the serum-filled needle by rolling it between your palms? Ack!  You didn’t warm it up – what happens if you inject cold allergen serum into his little body? 

Did you hit a vein? Oh, man – you didn’t think you hit a vein, but after you removed the needle there was blood in it – did you just inject allergens straight into his blood stream? What happens if you injected the allergens straight into his blood stream?  

Are you inserting the needle straight into the wad of Sid’s neck scruff that Brian’s gripping so that the needle is parallel to Sid’s body so as to not hit anything important? I mean, you think you did, but could it’ve been a 10 or 15 degree angle?  What happens if you insert the needle at a 15 degree angle?  Did you just inject allergens into his spine?

Why won’t he stay still?!

AM I HURTING HIM???

This is gonna get easier, right??

I think Sid’s t-shirts give him a little TOO MUCH confidence sometimes.

Now that he’s mastered both how to ascend onto the back of the couch AND the wistful stare off into the distance combined with a rebellious sneer, he thinks he’s as cool as James Dean.

Thank goodness he doesn’t know how to ride a motorcycle (yet).

Stay away, baby, I’m nothin’ but trouble.

Howdy, awesome, awesome friends!  I’m not gonna spend a lot of time typing today because there’s a big storm coming our way and I want to make sure I get my newest PLANET COOL SID video up here before I need to start barking at the thunder.  Enjoy!!